Oh hey, friends! I went a little MIA (again) around here. But, I’m back again! My first inclination is to apologize for my absence, but I’m learning a lot about finding limits and using my voice. I’m learning that it’s okay to say no and that I don’t always need to say sorry. So, I’m not apologizing because I needed the time away (again). Desperately needed. And, that is nothing to apologize for. If anything, I need to apologize to myself for not figuring things out sooner.
So, it’s been since mid-January since I wrote anything. I tried writing on many occasions, but the words felt forced and so I closed my browser before ever hitting publish. These days, though, I feel a lot more “me” than I have in over two years, since my grandma died. But, what I’m realizing and accepting is that the me I am today looks different than the me of two years ago. And, that’s a good thing.
The thing is, I had a hard time figuring out for a long time is how that loss changed me at the deepest levels. I think I’m still figuring it out if I’m being honest with myself. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection in recent months and figuring out what I want my life to be moving forward. Change is hard. That’s the beautifully challenging thing about life, though, is that we are always changing. Hopefully it is seasons of growth and positive change. Sometimes that has to come after the dark night of the soul. That is where I find myself now, on the other side of that dark night.
There is temptation to dive into a long post about my life over the past few months – even the last couple of years – because I felt so lost during that time. My writing focused on the darkness and little else. I suppose that focus wasn’t exclusive to my writing, as it really overshadowed everything else. I still have hard days now, but I’m seeing the light a lot more these days. I’m rediscovering joy and choosing the things that make me come alive. As for a massive brain dump update post, it feels exhausting to write. So, I’m not doing that.
Instead, I want to write as things feel authentic to share. I feel excited again: to build my business, to get my fitness back, and really to get my LIFE back. I want to fight for myself, my future, and my dreams with a fire I haven’t felt in a long time.