2020: My Word of the Year is Discipline
For 2020, my word of the year is discipline. But, let’s back up and talk about how I got there and why this word is important to me.
Over the years, I wrote a lot of blog posts with big goals I wanted to achieve by December 31. Often, as is the clichéd way of new year’s goals, they fell by the wayside. It’s not for lack of want. I want to show up for myself and to achieve the goals I set. But there is a scarcity mindset rooted deep inside of me. The belief that I keep proving myself wrong, so what’s going to change now? Or, the false narrative that I’m a failure. Insert any negative self-talk you’d like into this and, “yep, me too,” because I’ve probably felt that same thing.
I knew weeks ago that I wanted or even needed 2020 to look different. After a really hard few years, after feeling like I was playing stupid games with my life, I decided I was done. I can’t flip a switch and erase all the painful moments that brought me to this point. Nor would I want to because as much as my heart breaks, it all brought me to where I am today. And, where I am today is a woman ready for more.
I’m ready to show up for myself in a way I never have before. When I started thinking about my word to define 2020, a lot of thoughts went through my mind: focus, intention, present. Really, they’re all ways of saying the same thing. Eventually I landed on what felt perfect and my word of the year is discipline.
Thinking about my life not just in the last couple of years, but my life as a whole, I realized that discipline is the thing I lack. Sure, I finished college and grad school, ran a marathon, and lost a lot of weight. All of those do take some amount of discipline. If I am honest with myself, I half-assed my way through it all. That’s not something that makes me proud.
This year, I want that to change. I want to live a life that makes me proud and to accomplish all the goals I set. I want to prove to myself that I actually can achieve the goals I set for myself. Even more, I want to live this year well. Looking back at 2019, I didn’t have many fond memories or experiences. I isolated myself and lived a small life. The irony, of course, being that my theme was to live bigger and bolder. But depression is a bitch and had other ideas for me.
Today, I am truly in a healthier place and I am ready to live that bigger, bolder life. To do this with discipline won’t be easy. It will mean days of making the choice of going to bed early and saying no to a glass of wine. This year of discipline looks like running when I want to stay in bed. To be sure, there is still room for fun and carefree days. But, what I want from this year is to create the habits and routines I always lacked. I want to stop making excuses for myself and live the life I truly want.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Let’s do this, 2020! Check back tomorrow for my 2020 goals.